Gotham is filled with all manner of terrifying and cruel villains, but it’s also home to some of the biggest buffoons in DC Comics. For every Joker, there is a Polka-Dot Man who is trying (and failing) to defeat Batman. DC Comics’ Silver Age between 1956 and 1970 was especially well-known for creating campy villains that were complete jokes. Most of these ersatz villains have gimmicks that are either too silly or too useless to be serious threats to the Dark Knight. Every time they appear, you’re just waiting for Batman to knock their lights out with a single punch.
These are the ten most pathetic villains to have ever crawled out of Gotham’s criminal underworld.
10) Calendar Man
Julian Day, aka Calendar Man, commits crimes related to holidays and other significant dates. When he was introduced during the Silver Age, Julian would wear different types of suits based on the four seasons, such as a fire suit during the Summer. Aside from that, Julian’s primary costume was ridiculous, as he made a cape out of calendar pages. He quickly became a punching bag in the rogue’s gallery. However, he would undergo a significant upgrade in the story Batman: The Long Halloween, where he was portrayed as a disturbed serial killer with the months tattooed on his head. Despite this upgrade, he is still considered a joke in the criminal underworld and one of Batman’s less fearsome foes.
9) Kite-Man
Charles “Chuck” Brown (and yes, his name is a Peanuts pun) is a man who turned his love of kites into the gimmick for his supervillain persona. However, his origin is quite sad. The Riddler murdered Chuck’s son with a poisoned kite string, which drove him insane. Chuck uses a kite-themed hand glider to swoop down from the sky to commit crimes. As one can imagine, neither the superhero nor the villain communities take Kite-Man seriously, no matter how hard Chuck tries to be a criminal mastermind. Despite his shortcomings, Kite-Man has become a fan favorite for his comedic personality and even has his own show, Kite-Man: Hell Yeah.
8) Egghead
Egghead hailed from the goofy Adam West Batman show of the 60s. And he remained true to his origins. He was a self-proclaimed criminal genius, an egghead. He dressed in an egg-colored suit, centered his crimes around eggs, and even used egg-based weapons. One of his favorite weapons is eggs that spray tear gas, which he makes by feeding chickens onions. He employs an executive secretary named Miss Bacon to write down his every word. Unfortunately, almost every utterance is a terrible egg-based pun. Overall, Egghead isn’t egg-zactly a criminal mastermind and Batman easily scrambles his attempted crimes.
7) Mr. Camera
Some of the most twisted villains enjoy photographing their crimes as mementos. But instead of just using a hand-held camera or phone, Harry Simms made his whole helmet into a camera. Assuming the name Mr. Camera, Simms is a criminal whose gimmick is taking pictures of his crimes. But he’s not very good at it. He took photos of Batman and Robin without their masks, intending to blackmail them, but the images came out too blurry. Indeed, most of Mr. Camera’s pictures are close-ups of Batman’s fist heading straight for his face.
6) Polka-Dot Man
Abner Krill, aka the Polka-Dot Man, has one of the most laughable names and costumes in all of DC Comics. His powers aren’t much more impressive. He takes off the dots on his suit and turns them into a wide assortment of weapons and gadgets, ranging from buzzsaws to bombs. His first dastardly crime to rob seven dot-themed locations was quickly thwarted by Batman. Since then, Polka-Dot Man has primarily been a character who is not taken seriously. James Gunn did manage to transform this D-List villain into a compelling character in the movie The Suicide Squad. Regrettably, the comic book version of the Polka-Dot Man never underwent this transformation, and he remains a joke.
5) The Eraser
Having a tool that allows you to erase all evidence from a crime sounds like a good accessory for any criminal, but why put it on your head? Lenny Fiasco, aka the Eraser, when growing up was constantly mocked for making numerous mistakes on his schoolwork. This bullying inspired Fiasco to don a number two pencil-style costume and become a criminal. He uses his eraser-shaped helmet to remove evidence from crime scenes, such as fingerprints and footprints. So, in his criminal life, he goes around a crime scene rubbing his head on everything. Other than his helmet, his only weapons are razor-sharp shoes. This character would have been better off being erased from the writer’s room.
4) Ten-Eyed Man
When an explosion blinded Philip Reardon, he underwent experimental surgery that connected his retina nerves to his fingertips, turning him into the Ten-Eyed-Man. How this man can live an everyday life, much less be a master criminal, is anyone’s guess. He must constantly wave his arms in front of him to see straight. He becomes blind every time he holds onto something, opens a door, or even closes his hand into a fist. This is a significant detriment when committing crimes. For example, when Batman threw a cactus at him, the idiot caught it with his hands, with the predictable result of getting spikes in his eyes.
3) Crazy Quilt
Paul Dekker was an artist who, after an accident blinded him, underwent a procedure that restored his sight, but the surgery caused him to only see in blinding, vivid colors. The sensory overload drove him insane, and he became the art-based villain known as Crazy-Quilt. He uses a helmet to shoot lasers and blinding lights, and leaves paintings as clues to his crimes. Crazy Quilt costume design is just awful. It’s just a random patchwork of bright colors. And if things couldn’t get worse for Crazy Quilt, he lost his sanity to restore his eyesight, just for Robin to reflect his laser beam back at him, making the colorful villain blind yet again.
2) Penny Plunderer
You probably won’t find a more dated villain in all of comics (except Calendar Man) than Joe Coyne, aka the Penny Plunderer. In 1947, pennies were worth something and Joe centered all his crimes around stealing the now-useless coins. The origin of the iconic giant penny in the Batcave was from a fight with the Penny Plunderer, who tried to use it to crush the Dark Knight. When he was arrested for his crimes, the Penny Plunderer was sentenced to death and executed via the electric chair. Penny Plunderer was such a lame villain that his greatest, or sole, contribution to Batman’s legend has been excised. The origin of the giant penny and its weaponization to kill Batman is now attributed to Two-Face.
1) Condiment King
From his introduction in Batman: The Animated Series, the Condiment King has always been a joke. Mitchell Mayo uses “sauce guns” to spray people with ketchup and mustard, and that’s about it. He is so weak that a single kick or gut-punch is enough to knock this D-List villain out. The most Condiment King was ever able to achieve was incapacitating three heroes by shooting special hot sauce down their mouths but shortly thereafter, Blue Beetle used milk to nullify the effects and beat up the “Sultan of Sauce.” Despite his best efforts, the Condiment King will never be able to cut the mustard.
The post The 10 Lamest Batman Villains appeared first on ComicBook.com.
